Reviews by BAMF

So I knew this was a Patrick Lussier movie, but I didn't realize Joel Soisson was the writer here as well. This may not have been a good decision. I mean I liked the first one so I wanted to finish the storyline. Wait the first one was also by this team. I am shocked! Hopefully this one is still entertaining then. Tom Kane is the only returning cast member for this sequel. Also it seems these guys work a lot in Romania. Lol in any other situation that line would be a turn on haha. Okay that was pretty awesome! I think Jason Scott Lee would have worked better as the Dracula here. Lol is that a reference to Nightbreed? Wow um hellooooo Nurse! I mean in the real world nobody would ever even think about something like that. He is one of the most intense priests for sure. Oh god these two are ridiculously crazy. The beginning was good and then wham they lost all their cool points with how stupid and accepting these characters are. Don't tell me she is dead already? Oh here comes John Light playing a mysterious character with unknown intentions. Oh shit that almost made me jump. I hope Dracula doesn't look this lame the whole time. So they know vampires, but still someone makes the remark about not being able to see him on video! Well yeah that would make sense seeing as it would be the only reasonable explanation. Although I don't mind it happening. Well that's gotta suck. Then as soon as it is given it's taken away. Seriously man? I swear besides the teeth this Dracula looks more like a zombie. I find it a bit silly when the main person who wants to do something changes their mind drastically out of character. I do appreciate the reasoning of different actors as Dracula. Also Roy Scheider is always a pleasure to see on screen. What the hell is going on there? I mean that was pretty much expected, but it was also actually kind of neat. What are you even screaming at lmao? Nice choice man. Well okay then. So far this has been pretty predictable. LMFAO that was one of the most hilarious scream I've seen. I thought this guy was supposed to be a badass haha. Dude did he just use a whip on the black guy? That's just not cool so he better be using that again on the others. John Light's character is quite an amusing one here. So much more entertaining than his take on Lucifer. That was probably the fakest dead animal I have seen. They didn't even try. It's almost over and Dracula is only just now looking alright I guess. I didn't see that twist coming. The other part of that twist was a bit silly considering some things. Okay good he uses the whip on everyone lol. Why is Lucifer scared of Dracula haha? Holy shit is right! He is too damn smart! That's gotta be unpleasant. I don't think I have ever seen anything like that before! I wonder if within this lore he spoke the truth. That would have pissed me off if I didn't know there was a sequel. So it was watchable. It's not great, but I have seen worse.

So I'm finishing this series thank goodness. Joel Soisson is the first director to return for a sequel and also be involved for a majority of the films. Not that it's particularly a good thing considering how awful he is. Something interesting I noticed about the casting is that they get a pretty well known actor as well as a horror legend (who has been in a movie dealing with hell) for these two bland sequels. John Light is the first to play Lucifer more than once in the series. Well I know this is going to be bad, but hey at least it's only 75 minutes. Didn't he die in the last one? I don't understand the significance of showing it again unless they were trying to say the previous film didn't happen or what. I mean it's the same core cast. The good and evil in these movies is a bit off the wall. Wait how come he can do that, but Gabriel couldn't? Jason Scott Lee hopefully pulls out some martial arts seeing as he is known for it. Thank God the angels in these two don't perch like the first three lol. So they throw in a bit of nudity here probably hoping this would be more well received. It seems they are changing up the lore a bit with the whole shooting in the head thing. We all look alike? That is just racist haha. Well he speaks the truth. That was just stupid. Seriously why is no one noticing she is being chased? What are the chances that this is the group she comes in contact with? Okay so I guess some of them do still perch then. Aww no man! So just like Gabriel in part three it seems Lucifer has barely anything important to do here. The close ups of him speaking are pretty damn pointless. Lmao you can't be serious! Damn I really didn't know which way that was going to go! That is how it all ended!? That was awful and boring. At least Tony Todd is a good villain as usual.

So I must have deep psychological issues since I'm actually watching the two non-Christopher Walken Prophecy films. Lucifer is recast again and this time he is credited as Satan. This was filmed back to back with the fifth sequel which reminds me of the two awful Return of the Living Dead sequels similarly done. Joel Soisson was the writer of the previous film so as a director I don't have much hope for him. John Sullivan must be his partner in crime since he writes for both movies as well. I mean I'm impressed that they got Sean Pertwee for this not so much Jason London or Doug Bradley though. Anyways I expect awfulness so maybe it may turn out slightly better. Funny thing is some of the actors of these two sequels were in those awful Return of the Living Dead films I mentioned. This also seems the first time where more than 3 cast members return for a sequel. This guy looks like an angry creepy Dane Cook lol. Or maybe it was just that shot because now he just looks like a plain discount copy of him. So Dani doesn't seem like a guy to mess with. What is with that wooden plank and hammer? Doug Bradley is much against type here. Wait she was speaking French now when she gets taken over she speaks in English with a British accent. That makes no sense. Also is that what they are making an angel appear to be here? Who exactly is the villain here by the way? Technically that means Joseph appeared in some form for four movies now. Oh that's actually a decent twist. I guess that answers the question of the "villain". Oh wow that heart scene lol. Yeah what choice is there really? All the British accents in Romania lol. So I really didn't do too much thinking here. I was mostly bored out of my mind. I mean to be honest I actually think this was slightly better than the previous part. I think it had to do with Sean Pertwee and Doug Bradley. It's by no means a good movie, but as I expected it to be awful I was very slightly surprised. I'm glad though I only have one more of these left.

So yeah I'm still continuing the series even though I know it won't get any better. Hell they just get more ridiculous after reading the synopsis for this one. Christopher Walken and Steve Hytner have been in every film so far. While Moriah Snyder and for some reason Sandra Ellis Lafferty return from the original. I usually enjoy Patrick Lussier's work like Terminator Genisys and Dracula 2000. His writing too for the My Bloody Valentine remake and White Noise 2. Carl V. Dupre wrote two of the worst Hellraiser sequels. As a writer Joel Soisson made both the Pulse sequels good as well as Dracula 2000. However he has had more bad films as a director like Children of the Corn: Genesis, Hollow Man 2, Hellraiser: Hellworld which was Carl V. Dupre's worst of his sequels. Good lord this fairs worse than the previous film sadly. What does that have to do with what the hell just happened? I guess that was his past then. Oh wow okay then. I really don't like Christopher Walken's look here. Well yeah that definitely feels like a Brad Dourif character. Okay usually they have eyes so this is definitely new. Danyael doesn't look so Asian anymore like he did last movie. Bleh Vincent Spano is so bland. I really don't like that they did the whole Terminator 2 route and made Christopher Walken one of the good guys this time. This girl is an idiot. It's interesting to see Steve Hytner's role much bigger than his first two appearances. Didn't he have a similar speech in the last movie? Lol angels can be assholes. Hmm this is an interesting turn of events. I suppose Madge returning made some sense. It was great seeing Mary again though. Damn that's messed up. So yeah everything was as I thought pretty much. Not much perching going on in this one thank God. Oh that was accidental. I don't understand how that happened, but okay. So yeah that was pretty bad even worse than the second even though it had it's few upsides. I could tell Patrick Lussier tried, but the writing was just so poor here there was nothing anyone could do. Christopher Walken was basically on the sidelines this time around as well.

The only returning actors from part one are Christopher Walken and Steve Hytner. Lucifer and Thomas Daggett are recast sadly. The only other movie that Greg Spence did was the fourth Children of the Corn which wasn't particularly very good. He wrote and directed that only at least he had writing help here. Matt Greenberg has a mixed bag for me with movies I liked (1408, Reign of Fire, and Seventh Son) to hated (Children of the Corn III and Halloween H20). With that said and from what I've heard about the sequels not being worth much I don't have high hopes. Um so is he in the priesthood again or what? I guess that answers that, but why in the world did they decide to do that? Dude that completely defeats the purpose of what was done in the previous film! Well that's an interesting visual, but there is no need for it to be so huge for just him. I'm glad he showed up sooner than the first one though. At least Elias Koteas's replacement looks kind of similar in some shots. Here we go again with the angels thinking they're birds perching on things. Well this is different for sure. So I'm guessing they aren't all hermaphrodites then? I'm a bit confused as to what is going on in this one. There is a lot more fighting included here than the first one. I swear they are crazy. I am kind of curious why they did that. Gabriel is one sick dude. Of course that would be the reaction. Oh damn that has to hurt! Lol hates humans loves dogs. She is probably the strongest willed of his victims so far I think. So what happened to the budget they got from the original they could only afford to show a shadow of wings lol? So let me get this straight the alarm only tripped when he left? It's very disappointing how many goofs this has. Lol "No wait!" Danyael has been the only likable angel so far. Is she sure she heard the right voice? Umm okay that makes no sense. Neither does that! If it wasn't for the cast this would have been even worse. Why did Christopher Walken sign up for these sequels? So yeah what I heard about the first being the only one to watch is right.

I really should have gotten to this series sooner. Oh how I enjoy finding these things on Netflix. This kind of reminds me of Supernatural although this of course came first. It has a pretty excellent cast. I mean Christopher Walken check. Elias Koteas check. Freaking Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer! This is Gregory Widen's only directing credit. As for writing he is involved in all the Prophecy and Highlander films as well as the movie Backdraft. That has got to be discomforting! Whoa that's interesting you don't see that too often when a priest becomes an officer. Dude is standing on the back of the chair! Now this guy is particularly creepy. Damn he got torn up! So where is Castiel during all of this haha? So angels are hermaphrodites in this lore interesting. It took a little over 20 minutes, but yay Christopher Walken! Eww don't lick things like that! Wow your house is quite disgusting. That song is pretty hilarious though. Haha shut down mode. The fact there is a sign that tells you not to put beer in a body freezer says something about people lol. Stop making it seem all creepy. Well yeah that is something you don't see all the time wow. I was expecting a cutaway or something. Aww poor Jerry. So are angels like birds because these guys love perching on top of things lol. Oh how much special effects have changed in 20 years. Still that was pretty messed up and unexpected. So yeah that dude had some major issues! Sometimes angels are just plain creepy. What exactly is one of those anyways? That little girl is hardcore. Yes there is Lucifer! I wonder who is worse here though him or Gabriel. Well I wouldn't say any of them are particularly good here. Okay that was really strange. Oh the hissing noises was a nice touch. Viggo Mortensen and Christopher Walken are just too damn cool! It's not great, but I thought it was somewhat enjoyable.

So I decided to check this sequel out despite not really liking the first one much. At least they brought back three cast members from the original. The factor that isn't helping this sequel though is the fact that the writer/director duo also did a horrible zombie film called Die-ner together. Not only was it bad as you can see the name is awful as well. Dude that is definitely one of the more realistic looking brain splattered walls I've seen. Patrick Fischler in a serious role is a bit odd. Is she some kind of psychic or something? Wait that random cop was actually a main character?? That was a bit silly. Oh that actually went a bit differently than expected. Well that has gotta be pretty damn awkward I'd say. After seeing Deadpool this guy just makes me laugh. This girl is way too curious and slow. I mean you would think events would make her quit looking around when she hears things! Dude you are one of the creepiest looking agents who wouldn't be afraid lol. This feels so low budget, weak predictable, and poorly executed. Also something feels off about what is going on. Man you gotta be some kind of stupid huh? Dang that had to hurt lol. Really setting up for a third one? I really hope they don't follow through. Good lord this was boring and painful to watch. I didn't expect they could make a sequel to the first one let alone something even worse. Do yourself a favor and skip over these.

Mind you this review may have language considering

For all those parents wanting this to be PG-13 for the young fans...this movie wouldn't have been Deadpool if it was like that. The bloody carnage, the fowl language, and the sexuality of it all is how it should be. Deadpool isn't a good guy, but he does take out villains. Anyways that's besides the point. This movie is absolutely fucking amazing. I felt like I was really watching who I wanted the previous incarnation to be. There are so many great moments of fourth wall breaking as well as references to actors, characters, mistakes, movies, decades, pretty much a lot I wasn't expecting. The fight scenes were insane and fun just like they should be. Expect a lot more gore than you usually see in these types of films. Negasonic Teenage Warhead was great here. I actually saw a girl come out of the theater looking like her almost completely. I actually appreciated this Colossus more than the X-Men movies version. Who wouldn't fall in love with Morena Baccarin good lord!? Ajax and Angel Dust were some amazing villains. Then again I love pretty much anything Gina Carano does. Make sure to stay after the credits! If you are a fan of 80s comedies be prepared to laugh your ass off in this scene! This is the first feature film directed by Tim Miller and I have to say it most likely won't be his last. Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick wrote Zombieland so that explains why it's so funny. I would like to thank Ryan Reynolds and others who decided to make Deadpool correctly and succeeding in it. If you're of age I suggest you see this. If not then well I guess you're shit out of luck. The review is over now go watch the fucking movie already!

Thoughts Before I Watched This:
1. I thought the trailer looked pretty funny.
2. I usually get a kick out of Seth Rogen and or JGL comedies.
3. To not see James Franco as a lead role here is a bit odd though.
4. Anyways I do like most of the cast here.
5. So I have now seen all of Jonathan Levine's films.
6. The best one so far has been Warm Bodies while 50/50 was the bottom.
7. He also takes on the writing here with three others.
8. This is Kyle Hunter's first writing credit he will also be writing the oddity adult animation Sausage Party another Seth Rogen film.
9. The same goes for Ariel Shaffir.
10. Evan Goldberg has only done one movie I hated (Superbad) everything else has been pretty good to awesome.

Thoughts While I Watched This:
1. Thinking of Tracy Morgan as a narrator is...different.
2. I mean somehow it still kind of works.
3. Lol really trying to rhyme the unrhymeable.
4. They aren't doing this rhyme thing in the whole movie are they?
5. I feel like Ethan is me in some ways...
6. Haha show me your elf face.
7. That's definitely coming up later.
8. Aww those kids are adorable.
9. That can't be every one in the world.
10. I was wondering when that would happen.
11. Thank God they aren't rhyming the whole time.
12. That piano scene was pretty dope.
13. Lol I don't think that was there before.
14. Michael Shannon is freaking awesome.
15. Oh haha that's gotta be awkward.
16. I wish I could karaoke like that.
17. More awkwardness lol.
18. Really dude you're one of those kinds of friends?
19. Haha man is lit lol.
20. Wow the ole I'm having a better life without you thing.
21. Oh no!
22. I would have reacted the same way.
23. That strip club scene OMG!
24. Hahah lord he is tripping hard.
25. OMG that's just wrong and absolutely hilarious at the same time.
26. I like all the different Christmas stories that this gives homage to.
27. Haha damn.
28. Yeah the way that voice sounds um...
29. Lmao I thought so.
30. Wtf okay that is hilarious.
31. Probably one of Seth Rogen's funniest characters.
32. Dude this chick is crazy!
33. Best friends will fight, but in the end if they are real then things will return to normal.
34. I guess I should have realized that sooner lol.
35. Lol oh Miley.
36. Is it really smart to take her advice?
37. James Franco will do just about anything in movies I swear lol.
38. See for a normal person that duet would have been awesome if you're a fan.
39. See now his friends were wise.
40. Oh should have expected that to happen with all the references.
41. Now see I knew that was coming.
42. "It's harder to stay friends when you're older. You just got some much of your own shit going on." Isaac
43. "Guess we'll just have to try harder." Chris
44. See now that is what I wish people would realize.
45. I've lost contact with so many friends because they never try hard enough. Even when I keep trying.
46. Oh I thought he was going to reveal something else.
47. That is just plain weird lol.
48. Haha just be quiet.
49. Hip hop song lullabies lol
50. Wait so what exactly was Mr. Green?

Thoughts After I Watched This:
1. It was a little odd, but hey Seth Rogen movies usually are.
2. I would say it was pretty funny and good though.
3. Still it's not on that level with Warm Bodies.
4. By far better than 50/50 though.
5. Lizzy Caplan reminds me of a naughtier version of Zooey Deschanel.
6. This reminded me how much I wish my friends were better.
7. Anyways it's enjoyable for what it is.

THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS TO AN EXTENT
I mean if you have seen the original then I'm sure you have already basically spoiled it for yourself.

Thoughts Before I Watched This:
1. So when I saw this was coming out I was intrigued.
2. Then I found out they used the same exact script, but changed the deaths amongst a few things.
3. So to see for myself I decided to watch the original as well.
4. This has to be a new level of laziness too to make such a recent film as a remake and to top it off using the same script.
5. Travis Zariwny has only made one other movie so far which isn't helping.
6. Randy Pearlstein also works the script here after being only absent from part 3.
7. The actors from the original were much more well known.
8. In fact I only know 2 of the 5 main from this one and all of them from the original.
9. Eli Roth I enjoy your work, but this is probably the silliest thing you ever did.
10. Well let's see if this was worth it.
11. Oh also how is this even longer than the original?

Thoughts While I Watched This:
1. This one starts sooner than the original.
2. The opening scene is very similar, but still a bit different.
3. "Pancakes!" lol
4. That scene I would say is a bit gorier this time around.
5. Ah the kid scene was cut.
6. They don't seem quite as excited as the original.
7. So far it seems that besides the situations of scenes and set ups it's somewhat different.
8. This one moves along much quicker getting to things.
9. It seems this one is trying to be a bit more graphic with it's happenings.
10. Well yep besides a slight difference that was basically the same.
11. Some people have different lines or have lines the other characters said.
12. Aw that wasn't anywhere near as amusing.
13. So the nice guy jock personality is replaced by a nerdy meh character okay then.
14. I definitely hope this goes differently because the Rider Strong replacement character is pretty lame so far.
15. Are they trying to make this one more serious?
16. I mean some of the fun of the original was the silliness of it all.
17. Black Ops 2 really??
18. It's 2016 which means Black Ops 3 lol.
19. Okay that scene was much funnier.
20. Why start a fire if you're just going to leave?
21. Not really as much of a montage as the original.
22. Also they got rid of Paul's turn on lol.
23. Oh it seems they are changing the order of some scenes as well interesting.
24. That was almost exactly the same!
25. Gosh some of these lines sound so pitiful this time.
26. Also that fire was nowhere near as crazy as the original.
27. Um so they cut out the visuals during the campfire as well as the added little thing of the bald employee wow...
28. Wait so that role wasn't just put in there for Eli Roth?
29. This version of Grim is more creepy than funny.
30. See in the original I believed in Bert not so much in this one.
31. No offense do Dustin Ingram though he just doesn't have the look.
32. So it seems they decided to cut out the more explicit dialogue seeing as Bert's dog story gets denied here completely.
33. See that's what happens when you don't do something you say you will.
34. I guess since it's the same they expect you to know that's not good?
35. Well the hog didn't look sick to me, but then again I'm not sure how it was meant to look.
36. So far everything has gone pretty much the same more or less.
37. Damn okay these two scenes while the same dialogue are still quite a bit different from the original.
38. Okay now that was definitely different.
39. Yeah felt like another meaning since it was a female cop this time.
40. And now we return to rehashing.
41. Haha that was an interesting change.
42. Now I like that they did something a little different with the dog.
43. I don't like her face, but wow that body haha.
44. So they decided to do something different with the whole bunnyman thing?
45. Lol who doesn't love pancakes.
46. At least they cut that nonsensical flipping the kid did in the original.
47. Oh wow unexpected!
48. That scene not as disturbing just way more bloody.
49. Damn!
50. Okay I thought the deaths would be different hers was the same!
51. Nevermind!
52. Oh God!!
53. Dude WTF!
54. Alrighty then!
55. Well that was not as I expected.
56. Lmao who is the idiot?
57. Yeah that scene took another route.
58. That was a lame retouch...
59. Well the ending was slightly different I guess.
60. The extra scene was new for sure.

Thoughts After I Watched This:
1. It's like watching a play or a movie based on Shakespeare's plays just not as fun.
2. Everything is basically the same exact thing except for maybe some dialogue here and there, the order of scenes, the look of the settings, and altered scenes.
3. The execution is so poorly done.
4. The actors even the ones I have liked barely ever do well here sadly.
5. Maybe it was the fact that they just didn't fit the roles they had.
6. I mean I usually like Dustin Ingram, but in my opinion he was the worst idea for Bert.
7. The lead guy who played Paul was nowhere near as awesome as Rider Strong.
8. The stuff that made the original amusing were cut or altered entirely to where they didn't happen or just came off as creepy.
9. I was at least hopeful for an Eli Roth cameo, but nope not even that.
10. I'm not sure this is even good on it's own.
11. Just skip this one and stick to the original.