Reviews by BAMF

Initial Thought: Well I have watched all the movies of both series so far so why not. First though let me acknowledge how dreadful the title is. Lake Placid vs Anaconda is so uncreative. Plus it sounds like the Anaconda is fighting a body of water not huge hungry crocodiles. Anyways it's Syfy can't always expect logic.

Characters/Acting: Yancy Butler and Robert Englund return from the previous film. This is Yancy's third movie in the franchise. Newcomer to the series is Corin Nemec who is a welcome addition in my book. The scientists in the beginning must have thought they were in a Troma film with how bad their acting was. In fact the acting here is absolutely dreadful I would have thought that it would have been better. The previous film had quite decent acting. At least we have Corin Nemec, Yancy Butler, and Robert Englund to pick up the slack. The bitchy sorority leader was such an awful person, but I just couldn't help being amused by her. Ferguson and Margot the goth girl are the only new characters other than Tull that I liked. That Robert Englund laugh just sounds so wicked.

Story: Your basic larger than regular monsters duking it out in a populated area. Once again causing humans to have to take a stand against the creatures. The anaconda barely does anything at all here which is really disappointing. It should just be called Lake Placid 5: featuring brief anaconda appearances. Some of the situations here are unexplained and seem pretty much impossible. In particular how does a crocodile get under a bed in a hotel room? This is really cheesy and sadly not in a good way. The crocodiles have the most kills here, but the anacondas kills are much more interesting. The ending was not that bad.

Directing/Writing: This seems to be A.B. Stone's directorial debut. Berkeley Anderson has written the Jarhead sequel which the director of the previous Lake Placid film directed. That's a weird coincidence! It seems though that Berkeley might not have been what made Jarhead 2 good. There are tons of random facepalm scenes and dialogue that this could have done without.

Final Thought: It seems that they couldn't be consistent in keeping the series on the positive end after the previous film. The good actors here don't save this. It was just ridiculous. There were many plot holes and nonsensical moments. It could have been a fun little watch, but sadly they really didn't execute this well. Not the worst of the series though, but it was pretty close. It seems they left an open ending for a future installment. They probably will end up doing more. You can always count on Syfy to milk something until the audience is practically zero. Anyways skip this. Not even worth the good actors it collected.

Initial Thought: I have been stalling on this one because my appetite for Lake Placid was destroyed with the previous two installments. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. At least this one has the legendary Robert Englund. My how the mighty have fallen I suppose. Unfortunately this isn't actually the final chapter seeing as they decided to do a versus entry with Anaconda which has equally went down the drain.

Characters/Acting: Yancy Butler returns from part three. I think this one could be enjoyable with the edition of Elisabeth Rohm and Robert Englund. The acting isn't too bad here. I think the more well known actors really carried this. I actually liked most of the characters except for a few who just have bad personalities.

Story: This starts off pretty much where the last one ended. So the meat of the this pretty much deals with a wrong turn scenario when the bus driver is being a unprofessional pervert. Everything pretty much gets more intense from that point. The CGI is still the basic level stuff Syfy is known for. I did think there was some nice gore and death scenes throughout. The ending was pretty good.

Directing/Writing: Don Michael Paul directed the unnecessary sequel to Jarhead that I actually enjoyed. I do wish it hadn't been associated with it though. It was a completely different kind of story, but it was otherwise a decent watch. The problem here for me is David Reed who unfortunately wrote the previous film. It's a wonder this guy has written for Supernatural because I have loved every episode.

Final Thought: This is about what should be expected from Syfy. You know I think most of the time they don't get the best talent or maybe the talent behind the scenes have no real skills. Here though I was pleasantly surprised by the Syfy original/sequel. It is one of their better productions in recent years though. I actually prefer this to the previous two by a large margin. Nowhere near as good as the first one though. Give it a chance and it may surprise you.

Initial Thought: I watched the previous two and the original Ju-On: The Grudge film. I thought they were a bit average though. I'm just completing the series though. I always hate to have a piece of a story missing.

Characters/Acting: So the kid from the previous film returns here to show how it still connects everything. Horror icon Shawnee Smith is here and she usually is fun to watch. Johanna Braddy is who I'm most interested in though after her time on Video Game High School. Marina Sirtis is also an interesting casting choice here. I couldn't help but laugh at how over the top the Kayako actress was. I really didn't care for the characters here at all. That's a shame seeing as the actors weren't bad.

Story: The Grudge continues to kill people off as usual. Supposedly Kayako's sister has a way of destroying her once and for all. It starts off pretty decent. Up until we actually see a physical representation of Kayako we get some pretty absurd looking imagery that really didn't work well. The scares were dry and the death scenes were pretty tame for an R rated spectacle. There was only one that was somewhat interesting. The ending was so predictable and felt pointless.

Directing/Writing: Toby Wilkins directed Splinter which was one of the most original and entertaining horror movies of the past years. Brad Keene also wrote From Within which was a really good one. This is credited as based on Takashi Shimizu's original Ju-On film. This is the only American Grudge film he didn't direct. It's a shame that two people who have made such enjoyable stuff could make something so dry.

Final Thought: That was really disappointing coming from two people who made stuff I really enjoyed. It was not scary in the least bit. I was bored throughout. Even when the suspenseful stuff came I just felt so disinterested. There was really no backbone to this. I'm glad this was the last American sequel because this really destroyed the trilogy. Don't watch this one. You will be bored out of your mind or laugh hysterically at how awful it turned out.

Initial Thought: I have been holding off on this one for a little bit. I haven't heard very good things about it. Most of what I hear though is basically because people wanted more action. So I decided to watch it knowing that.

Characters/Acting: Morgan Freeman and Clive Owen lead this and that's good enough for me. There are other really good actors besides them as well including Payman Maadi, Aksel Hennie (awesome character in Hercules with The Rock), and Shohreh Aghdashloo. I love the huge mixture of ethnicities represented here. The acting here is of course really good. I also really liked all the characters specifically Ito.

Story: From what I know it is about honor in a land ravaged by dishonorable people. I also know this is said to be a remake of a 40s telling of the 47 Ronin. The action scenes here are indeed seldom, but very rich with awesomeness when they happen. There is a really good intense atmosphere throughout that I think people dismiss because they want to see battles. There are a few scenes scattered about where someone gets killed though. I think it keeps things interesting through the long periods of character and story development. I think if people stuck with it and waited until the last forty minutes they would have been more accepting. This is one of those slow burning movies that really utilizes it correctly. The ending was quite good and well delivered.

Directing/Writing: I have heard of Kazuaki Kiriya's movies, but this is the first one I will see of his. Michael Konyves only wrote Barney's Version which I have actually heard of. This is the first credited work associated with Dove Sussman. Why can't Americans have more directors like this? This guy paced it quite well in my opinion. It just didn't feel like it dragged on to me. The writers also did a quite excellent job with the overall message of the film.

Final Thought: I really respected this film. It may not be an all out action spectacle, but it's really quite entertaining. I like the way it dealt with the subjects of honor, betrayal, and trust. I think this one is truly underrated and not understood for what it is. Now don't get me wrong it is not the best movie I have ever seen, but it is worth more than it's given. I say give it a try to the finish. I'm sure you will enjoy it too.

Initial Thought: I wasn't aware of this movie until very recently. After seeing Andrew Sensenig a lot in the Powers Playstation series and meeting him in person I respected him. I figured this should be enjoyable with him in it. Also I have read a decent amount of pretty happy reviews. Also I felt like watching a good ghost/haunting story after all the bad ones I have been watching.

Characters/Acting: We have a few horror regulars as well as people are more well known for other work. A few of the stars here have been in movies I enjoyed like You're Next. I actually really liked the characters here specifically Paul since he was played by Andrew Sensenig. I did also think Larry Fessenden and Lisa Marie were great. Barbara Crampton kind of annoyed me though. The ghosts were pretty awesome.

Story: As usual when it comes to these kinds of movies it's about a family that moves into a haunted house. From what I've heard these ghosts will do more than just try to scare you away. It gives off that 70s feel that it takes place in while still feeling like a very crisp production. It starts off like any haunting story would. It gives a creepy atmosphere while doing tiny things that just make the couple uncomfortable. Then after a little while things become much different than what you would expect. There was actually as scene that caused me to jump and I rarely do that. Near the end the twist reminded me of The Purge where all the neighbors turn out to be the killers. The last twenty minutes are when things get really crazy. The gore here was pretty wicked and even a little bit creative near the end. That was a different kind of ending than I was thinking would happen.

Directing/Writing: Ted Geoghegan isn't very well known, but he has been in a few movies you have at least heard of including Sharknado 2 and Hatchet III. This is his directorial debut. He also wrote this, but it isn't his first rodeo in that department. Richard Griffin is credited for this story being based on his concept.

Final Thought: I thought it actually had some good originality to the haunting sub-genre. That was quite refreshing. The twists are fun and different. I am thinking this will be considered a classic or at least a cult classic. We really need more fun horror like this. If you haven't seen this I really recommend it as long as you don't mind gore of course.

Initial Thought: Finally I have reached the end of the crappy sequels. I am hoping that Awakening will be good given the talent associated with it. This doesn't look as bad as the previous two. The quality is a bit better here for sure.

Characters/Acting: A lot of the actors here are first timers. The director is also one of the stars here. The acting isn't very good, but it could have been much worse. John R. Walker is probably the only really decent actor here. In fact he does a lot better at acting than directing this.

Story: This time we are dealing with a shutdown public place instead of the usual home. That is kind of different, but it also kind of reminds me of a Phantom of the Opera kind of story. There were a few moments that didn't make much sense. Not much here really makes much sense. Also a few things should have been explored a bit more. The ending was a little bit different while at the same time predictable.

Directing/Writing: John R. Walker's directorial debut after being mostly an actor. He was actually in two pretty famous movies Woman in Black and Flyboys. He also came up with the story and stars as one of the more important characters. The other writer here is actually an actor too being credited for Duchess.

Final Thought: It's not the worst of the after remake sequels. I swear some stuff though is so bad I just couldn't help but laugh. Well I can at least say I finished the series. It may be pretty awful, but I didn't quit. The newest one looks like it's going to actually be good though. Everything after the remake should be avoided. They are just capitalizing on the name and offer nothing of value.

Initial Thought: Why am I continuing to do this to myself? Everything after the remake has been extremely dreadful. The poster here makes it even worse. I'm glad this one is only 75 minutes long.

Characters/Acting: The only person I know here is Eric Roberts who doesn't even actually show his face. I'm pretty sure that says something about this. A lot of the actors are first timers or collaborators of Polonia. Haha I swear some of the acting IS just like a 70s porno. I just couldn't help but laugh at all of these "actors". The sheriff has to be one of the worst I have seen portrayed on film. He doesn't want to look for a missing person and after clearly driving through a ghost he looks around to see if people are okay. Everyone has such delayed and lazy reactions. I mean there is a point where some characters just need to be written better.

Story: Good lord this starts out with one of the most incoherent messes I have seen. The CGI is really awful and kind of unnecessary. The gore/make up looks like something from the 70s made by people who never got it right. Here again we have a film that looks like it was filmed by someone who doesn't know how to work a camera. The sets kind of looks like something from old porn movies. It doesn't look quite as awful as Asylum though. It's even much easier to see what is going on. There are a lot of questionable moments here. The grandma looks awful yet the granddaughter is only worried about how long she has been in bed. Oh man these death scenes are something else. I mean the way they are presented and not the ways in which they are killed. The ending was an insane mess. I don't know why there is a thing such as witch's teats nor why it makes the person look like a human with a line of animal type nipples. That was weird and even weirder how they go about showing them. The spider lady was probably the best thing about this and that isn't saying much. The ending credits looked like the beginning of a bad 90s television show.

Directing/Writing: From the ratings I see of Mark Polonia I shouldn't expect anything worth it. John Oak Dalton has only written one other thing of which I have never heard of. It seems this Polonia guy has no idea what to do with his work. The writing is pretty awful here too. Whenever I finally get my ideas fully fleshed I sure hope I can do better than the crap these guys do.

Final Thought: This was not as bad as the previous one, but it was pretty damn close. I'm just glad that this was so short. There is only so much cheese and bad writing/acting I can take in one movie. This was absolutely ridiculous and nonsensical. Enter at your own risk. I regret seeing this for sure.

Initial Thought: Phew only three more of these to go. I can't wait to end this series. The only one that even looks good is the one coming next year. This one looks like a student project. Well at least it promises to consistently be inconsistent. The least promising thing here though is that this took only eleven days to film. Well I guess it's time to suffer.

Characters/Acting: Kenton Hall has been in some major features and is probably the biggest person here. Some others have been in notable stuff like Muppets Most Wanted etc. Wow Kenton Hall has such a horrible looking beard here. He is also one of the most unlikeable characters here. Delaney's tattoos looked more like sharpie writing more than anything else. Other than that besides the patients he was the only character I really had any interest in. When he gets killed I didn't even care what else happened. He was the only thing that had my interest. The acting was pretty dreadful with the only exceptions I guess being Sadie, Delaney, and Dennis.

Story: This takes place in an Amityville Asylum. I'm sure if this had a bigger budget and more creative minds it could be quite a fun watch. It starts off with four minute long credits during a too dark too see anything re-imagining of the DeFeo shootings once again. Haha are you kidding me with that sneezing scene!? In fact a lot of this movie is hard to see. I mean that is one way to make a bad movie even worse. Only one scene here I thought was kind of creepy was a character saying his skin was too tight. The extremely predictable twist was executed so poorly. It kind of confuses you because everything that happens involving it pretty much makes no sense nor does it even validate it. Are you kidding me with that ending?!

Directing/Writing: Andrew Jones usually writes sequels, but he directs his original ideas. This is the only sequel he has written and directed for any series. It's really hard to believe this was made in 2013! The quality here is really awful and makes it so hard to watch it straight through. Andrew Jones really needs to improve his skills or just stop. The cameraman also seemed like he didn't understand how a camera works.

Final Thought: This was shot on a $20 thousand budget and it is way too noticeable. I doubt it even made that money back. This was extremely lazy and had some truly awful work behind the camera (including the directing and writing). I thought Haunting was the worst of the series, but this took the cake by far. It was extremely difficult to finish this one. Do not watch this by any means even if you are going through the series like I am.

Initial Thought: I think this series hit a new low with this one by allowing The Asylum to take charge. I expect this to be quite horrid and boring.

Characters/Acting: I am not familiar with any of the actors. A few of them have been in other Asylum films which isn't a good sign. Looks we are continuing the no priests trend here. The dad wasn't too bad until close to the end. The women were pretty much something to look at, but nothing else really beyond that. I kind of liked the main kid and the dad's friend Cut. Cut is a pretty lame name, but he was a decent character. The acting is hard to really consider here with the awful script they had to work with. I say they tried their best except for the youngest daughter.

Story: This time we get the angle of found footage. We start off with a group of kids that seem to not even matter to the actual premise of the movie. They add two random sex scenes with these teens that just seemed like a way to try to grab the audience's attention. The deaths are sudden and they also seemed like they were there to draw you in. If that was the intention they really failed. There are way too many close ups here of absolutely nothing throughout. Why are people always telling owners of the house what to do in these movies? I mean come on that is just stupid. If you try to do that to me in my home I'm kicking you out. I don't care who you are. That "blood" was clearly ketchup! I think it was pointless to talk outside so people couldn't hear them talking if the security camera could still catch their voices quite loud and clear. I don't understand why Lori is disregarded twice through dialogue she should have been involved in. The part were the dad freaks out was I think unintentionally hilarious. The death scenes were pretty disappointing except for the final one which I absolutely didn't see coming. There are descriptions of them that make you really wonder what actually happened.

Directing/Writing: This actor Geoff Meed's directorial debut. Anything else behind the screen was mostly writing. Here it seems that no one is credited for writing. I guess they wanted to make it feel more authentic. It could also mean the writer didn't want to be known for his involvement here. It looks like they didn't pay attention when making the coroner's reports because Tyler's age doesn't match up. If it is 2008 here and Tyler was born in 1995 that would make him 13 not the listed 14.

Final Thought: It is really poorly edited. I swear the dialogue must have been ab libbed. This was very much a Paranormal Activity ripoff with the Amityville name tacked on. The house didn't even look a thing like the actual house it is supposed to be representing. If this was actually real then I feel bad for how stupid some members of the family were. This was pretty bad. It had just about no redeeming factors. This shouldn't even be considered part of the franchise, but it unfortunately is. Do not watch this as it is completely unworthy.

Initial Thought: I continue to proceed with this series not knowing what to expect. Sometimes I get something enjoyable when I think I won't like it. Other times I get something horrible when I think I will like it. Either way this is about a dollhouse. I'm not sure how this will go.

Characters/Acting: Well I only recognize Robin Thomas and Lisa Robin Kelly. It looks like this series is still continuing on without any priest involvement. I guess they finally learned that even Christianity can't save them from doom. Tobias was by far the most interesting and badass character of them all. The decaying ghost was pretty awesome as well. The acting was a bit sad to say the least.

Story: This continues the new tradition of haunted artifacts. This time it's in the form of a dollhouse replica of the Amityville home. I doubt there are many stories that deal with such an odd subject. It definitely catches your interest though. So this didn't really do much for me. There wasn't quite enough of a scary atmosphere this time around. One scene involving a pentagram was just so ridiculous and pathetic. It did have it's moments where it got fun (the mouse scene and anything involving the physical ghost), but most of it was pretty lacking. The ending spent way too long (probably two minutes) watching the fire burn and nothing else.

Directing/Writing: This is Steve White's only credited film as a director. I wonder why that is. Most of his credits are under producer. Joshua Michael Stern wrote and directed Swing Vote which was a decent film. He also directed Jobs which is critically bashed, but I enjoyed it. With him as the writer I am slightly relieved. Well it looks like I spoke too soon. This was quite dreadful all around from these two guys.

Final Thought: This was quite the bore. Nothing really happens throughout most of the movie. The interesting things that do happen are too quick or too dark. I did think the ghost was awesome looking though. The premise sounded interesting, but all in all it was executed poorly. There really isn't any reason to see this unless you are taking the series on like I am.